Saturday, January 12, 2008
Let it out - Over With this
It's funny how people react to the things they read. I am not saying it's good or bad. Just saying it's funny. All those true anguish and frustration starts to pour in.
It's true friendship is not just about being there for each other, it's about understanding each other. But ask yourself this, trusting your so-called gf, whom you despise alot when you broke up, more than your friend, whom you have friendship with for years, you called that understanding?! And you when i asked something about you, you will said only you and the other friend of ours would need to know. What does that said about you.Infact you are doubting the friendship and that completely shows where you stand or infact, where do i stand?
Then right now, I got the feeling that you are trying to get back with that person. At the time you broke up, you said she's going to be 'loose' but you look at you now. Who's worst? There's a malay saying : sudah luda, jilat balik (translate: after you spit it out, you lick it back). Damn you are desperate. But hey, you know what, this is your love life. Don't want to bother.
What got me laughing also is that you said we need to be matured about it and you said faking it is not. And that we need to be open and confront each other. Then, look back at what you said, you said you are acting diffrently because thats how you felt and you want to see how open that person can be. Ok. If you are so 'WISE' and 'OPEN' enough, then why is there a need to act differently? Why don't you just be open and confront. There isn't a need to 'see how open' that person is. You got to fucking stop with all this 'mini-test' of yours. Want to do this to see how this person react la? want to do that to see what the person say la? It is nonsense. Plus, I am faking it because i cared about our friendship and i don't want to jeopardise it. Is that wrong? Even if i confront you, you think you would be able to take with all your ego?
I have, or infact, we have confront with you about ur attitude and we tried to correct you. And you said you will change. You did. But not for long.
Then you go about saying how i did not show that i do not forget my friends. Ok. If you interpret that me not chilling with you guys as often as i did previously, as showing that i forget my friends, then fine I admit. But come on man, if that's true that is a stupid STUPID reason to base on. If you are so good at telling people to ask themselves why, Did you ever asked yourself why I hang out left often?. Did you. Like you said, look at a different angle. Plus, yes, i am tired because i got work and school and sometime i am too lazy to meet you guys because i am just too damn tired and if not, i need to do complete my school projects that dues very early. I am sure some of our friends would know and understand.
If i am not wrong, i am the only one in the group that are juggling both work and school and you need to start being a good friend, and the least you could do is to be understanding. Of course it's easy for you to say that your tired and that your busy with something and you can still often meet. But asked yourself, where do we often meet? And when we meet, what do we talk about? you will go about bragging what you did or how many girls are aftering you or that you and your other clan did this and that and that it's very cool and funny. you see. everything is about YOU YOU YOU. It's not that I do not want to hear, it's just that talking about the same old thing over and over again, it kinda bores you. And i bet, some of our friends would agree to this.
And since when did i ever ask for someone to care about my feelings? Who is the one that brag about themselve? who's the one being self-centered?yeah, people change. But somehow, you are not those people.
Frankly speaking, I am grateful to have you and the rest of the guys as my very close friends. But obviously, at some point of time some of the actions i made may contradict otherwise. But that doesn't mean that i am not grateful. If you said you are, did you ever think back on what you did, would it impose the same feelings.thoughts to him. And if you know your friends do not like it when you do stupid things to them, then why the hell did you do it?
I have always been compromising but you tend to see it that I am not. And stop all the bullshitting of one day your friends are gone. It's just too immatured to use this scenario to push everything in your favour.
Sorry is a strong word. But then again, with your ego, you did not believe in them. And sometimes, saying and showing it together, goes along way than just showing it without having to say. Of course you can say your happy that people are negative towards you because you've got no sentiments. And did i see a 'sorry' at the last part?..haha. That's weird. Thought you didn't believe in saying them.
But you know what. I have been thinking and reflecting back over these past few days (see, not only you reflect, others did too). How life is too short for all these. Seriously. If you think this is about you by all means feel guilty. And i guess i have said enough and i just want to end this and move on. I am just going to go with the flow and see what god has plan out for me. I don't care if you even want to get back at me. From now on, I don't want to take anything to seriously and i admit, at times i can be really uptight on things because i thought after all these years of friendship i thought you knew me well. But i guess not. Anyway, I seriously hope for the best of our friendship. Yahoo!!